Loving Brothers and Sisters in Christ part 2
Colossians 3: 12 So, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and [h]patience; 13 bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you. 14 Above all these things put on love, which is [i]the perfect bond of unity.
Well, today we are returning to our study of the command in Scripture to love; and specifically to love your brothers and sisters in Christ.
We paused our walk through Old Testament wars, disobedience and judgment to go to the commandment that sums up all of the Christian walk; love, love God and love your neighbor. 1 John 4:7 tells us,
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves has been [a]born of God and knows God
We’ve broken down that commandment to love into its component parts. We are to love God, to love our parents, to love our children, love our spouse, love our enemies.
And of all the kinds of love we are supposed to exhibit, this one has its challenges; because being commanded to love brothers and sisters in Christ is like being commanded to have friends that you didn’t choose. And friendship isn’t always easy. I read these quotes about friendship. There are high thoughts about friendship.
A British publication once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. Among the thousands of answers received were the following:
"One who multiplies joys, divides grief, and whose honesty is inviolable."
"One who understands our silence."
"A volume of sympathy bound in cloth."
"A watch that beats true for all time and never runs down."
The winning definition read: "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."
Bits & Pieces, July, 1991.
But there are also low thoughts about friendship.
Some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble.
E.C. McKenzie.
He who loves 50 has 50 woes. He who loves 10 has 10 woes. He who loves none has no woes.
Buddah.
Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.
Dan Bennett, Bits & Pieces, April 28, 1994, p. 5.
And sometimes loving your brothers and sisters in Christ is like making friends with a wet dog. It can be gratifying, but you get messy in the process. So that’s why I told you in the last sermon that we were going to spend a little time with this one and look at several aspects of the Biblical definition of loving brothers and sisters in Christ. Loving them means.
It involves Pursuing Unity and Peace, serving one another sacrificially, Bearing with One Another Patiently, Forgiving One Another, Speaking with Grace and Encouragement, Praying for One Another, Helping Restore and Strengthen One Another Spiritually, Showing Hospitality and Generosity, Honoring and Preferring One Another, and Carry One Another’s Burdens.
Prayer
Well, last time we only finished one point and started on a second. The first part of the definition of loving brothers and sisters in Christ was that we
1. Pursue Unity and Peace
Psalm 133:1 says “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”
And I further defined it by saying that we are to be united in the essential doctrines of our faith, and willing to address and iron out differences. The second part of the definition we considered was that brothers and sisters in Christ are to
2. Serve one another sacrificially
Now I am not spending a whole lot more time on this. I just wanted to give you a few Biblical illustrations of this love in action.
The apostle Paul was a great example of sacrificial love.
Acts 20:31 Paul, speaking of his ministry in Ephesus, said: “For a period of three years I did not cease to admonish each one with tears night and day.” Paul poured enormous amounts of time into strengthening believers, teaching them personally, warning them, and discipling them.
Another example are the Churches of Macedonia, described in 2 Corinthians 8:1–5. Though poor themselves: “Their deep poverty overflowed in the wealth of their liberality.” These churches sacrificially gave money to suffering believers in Jerusalem.
Epaphroditus was a great example of love for Paul while he was in prison. In Philippians 2:25–30 Paul says that he traveled long distances carrying aid and ministering to Paul in prison, sacrificing comfort and safety. “He came close to death for the work of Christ.” He literally endangered his health while serving another believer.
And in Hebrews 10:32–34 it says this of Believers: 32 But remember the former days, [j]when, after being enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, 33 partly by being made a public spectacle through reproaches and afflictions, and partly by becoming sharers with those who were so treated. 34 For you also showed sympathy to the prisoners and accepted with joy the seizure of your possessions, knowing that you have for yourselves a better and lasting possession.
That passage describes believers who took upon themselves the suffering of another believer. Even though the other believer was shunned in society, they embraced them and shared the shunning. If they were starving, they shared their bread and starved alongside of them. That is the second part of the definition of loving fellow Christians; you serve each other sacrificially.
What’s the next part of the definition of loving your brothers and sisters in Christ? Number 3 is
3. Bear with One Another Patiently
And let me also mention number 4; Forgive one another. Bear with one another and forgive one another. Numbers 3 and 4 really go together. Bear with one another and forgive one another. They are two sides of the same coin. They are placed together in Colossians 3:12-13.
12 So, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and [h]patience; 13 bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you.
“bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other “ These two go together but they are not the same thing. Let’s look at bear with one another first. As fellow Christians we are to bear with one another. Here are a couple more verses where the same words are used.
Ephesians 4:2 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
Romans 15:1 “Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength…”
What does Paul mean by “bearing with someone who is weak?” Bearing with someone carries the idea of being patient with your brothers and sisters in Christ. They have a weakness, and you are being patient with that weakness. Well, what kind of weakness are we talking about?
Well, it can be anything. They may be weak intellectually so we are patient with their lack of intellect. They may be weak physically, so we patiently come alongside them and help them do what they cannot do themselves. But, if you look at the context of these passages that I just quoted to you, you’ll find that the weakness you are to bear with is related to sin or spiritual weakness in your brother’s or sister’s life.
Here are some examples of that. A brother or sister may have trouble controlling their tongue. They may have trouble with the sin self-centeredness. They may struggle with anger. They may have a substance addiction. They may be lazy and not help out. These are all sin issues. But the idea of bearing with them is that you recognize their weakness, and act with a spirit of grace toward them. You are not overly harsh toward them but you are a friend to them. No, you don’t just put up with sin. You gently try to help them become better people. You call them out sometimes with flagrant sin. But you treat them with an understanding that they, just like you, have weaknesses.
I’ve given this illustration before. If someone says something rude to you, you are offended. But what if you found out they were mentally disabled. You immediately begin having greater patience with them because their rudeness comes out of a mental weakness. That is how we treat brothers and sisters in Christ. We treat them as God treats us.
Did you know that God is patient with us in the same way? God is even patient with the world of unbelievers. Let me show you a couple verses about how God dealt with the world before Christ came.
I’ve often wondered this, but God sent a flood to destroy all humankind right? But after He did that, did we get any better? No. So what kept Him from destroying it all again, this time by fire maybe?
Look at Acts 17:30 30 Therefore having overlooked the times of ignorance, God is now commanding men that everyone everywhere should repent,
This is Paul preaching in Athens about their idolatry; worshipping images of non-gods. Paul is saying that though mankind persisted in its evil, God overlooked it. He had a plan in motion to save so He bore with their ignorance until the time came to call on everyone everywhere to repent.
Look at Romans 3.
Romans 3:25 whom God displayed publicly as a [a]propitiation [b]in His blood through faith, for a demonstration of His righteousness, [c]because in the forbearance of God He passed over the sins previously committed; 26 for the demonstration of His righteousness at the present time, so that He would be just and the justifier of the one who [d]has faith in Jesus.
“in the forbearance of God He passed over the sins previously committed.” God knew of man’s weakness, He had a plan to save, but until that plan came to fruition, He was patient with sin.
That is what it means that we are to bear with one another. We all have weaknesses. But in the church we are to recognize those weaknesses, and be patient with each other. You might ask, “Well does that mean that we just let people be awful, sinful, rude, selfish, and never mention it?” No. Look at Luke 17.
Luke 17: 3 [a]Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him;
Now that word rebuke sounds harsh. Let me give you some other verses that I think better describe what we are to do if we see a brother or sister in sin.
Matthew 18:15 “Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.”
Galatians 6:1 “Brothers, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness…”
2 Timothy 4:2 “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and teaching.”
We are to address sin in the church. But we do so with patience and grace.
Now, I said that number 3, bearing with one another and number 4 forgiving one another go hand in hand. So how does this patience with sin, bearing with one another, go along with the next part of the definition of love between brothers and sisters in Christ; forgiving one another?
4. Forgive One Another
Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
We bear with one another's weaknesses. We are patient with each other’s sins. We patiently address them in each other. As Proverbs 27:17 says
Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
We are sharpening each other. But what happens after you patiently address sin in your sister?
Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
If he repents. Forgive him. Well, what does that imply? If he does not repent, forgiveness is not offered. That means we continue to hold their feet to the fire about their sin until they repent.
But you may say, “Is repentance just flippantly saying, Sorry, without any movement toward changing?” What does true repentance look like? Well, let me give you a list of things that often accompany when a person has real repentance.
If he confesses what he did without excuses. If she takes responsibility instead of shifting blame. If he is broken over his sin. If she desires to make things right. If he turns away from the behavior. If she shows sorrow that leads to change. If he begins producing different fruit. If she is willing to be corrected. If he stops hiding the sin. If she seeks accountability. If he listens to rebuke humbly. If she demonstrates a softened heart. If he no longer defends the wrongdoing. If she openly admits she was wrong. If he seeks reconciliation. If she pursues restoration with those she hurt. If he asks others to pray for him. If she takes practical steps to avoid temptation. If he accepts consequences without bitterness. If she desires holiness more than self-justification. If he shows humility instead of pride. If she grieves over offending God. If he wants counsel from mature believers. If she is willing to submit to discipline. If he is fighting against the sin instead of embracing it. If she begins replacing sinful habits with godly ones. If he demonstrates sincerity over time. If she shows evidence of conviction from the Holy Spirit. If he wants truth more than approval. If she is trying to rebuild trust through faithful actions.
So, what are we to do toward our brothers and sisters in Christ? Be patient with their weaknesses, patiently address sin, but if they show evidence of repentance, what do you do then? Forgive them. And I can hear you already. But preacher, they keep doing the same thing over and over. They keep saying they are sorry, they seem to be working on it, but it is getting old.
Peacher, how long do we have to keep forgiving? You know the answer. Luke 17:4
4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ [b]forgive him.”
You keep forgiving, even if you are forgiving multiple times a day. If they continue in repentance, you continue in forgiveness.
Now, let me say this. This does not mean that you make yourself a continual recipient of abuse. Let me give you an example.
If you had a brother or sister in Christ who was an alcoholic. They’ve asked for money before to get food but ended up spending it on booze. Forgiving them does not mean you keep handing them cash every time they ask for it. You may have to go buy them food. There may come a point where you even let them hit rock bottom so they will learn to turn away from drink.
Forgiveness and bearing with someone means desiring and doing what is in their best interests and for their spiritual maturation.
And that’s what loving brothers and sisters looks like. You see, church was never designed to be a place where people never sin. It was designed to be a place where people still sin, but they are lovingly confronted, and then they seek to change with the patience and encouragement of their brothers and sisters in Christ.
Ephesians 4:31–32 “…be kind to one another, tender-hearted, graciously forgiving each other…”
Colossians 3:13 “…just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you.”
Matthew 6:14–15 “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Well, what is the next part of the definition of love for fellow believers?
5. Speak with Grace and Encouragement
We addressed this as a part of the definition of love for your spouse. So let me just share with you some verses to elaborate on what this means.
There are several verses of Scripture that tell us when to keep our mouths shut.
Psalm 141: 3 Set a guard, O Yahweh, [a]over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.
What are we not to say?
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification…”
The principle is that if what you say will build a person up, say that. If it will only tear them down, destroy relationships, or cause harm, don’t say it.
Colossians 3:8 But now you also, lay them all aside: wrath, anger, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.
Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor,
Ephesians 4:29 Let no [q]unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for building up [r]what is needed, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Your words are for necessary edification. That means that every word that you speak to your brother or sister in Christ should be a word that supplies a need, “it perfects what is lacking”
Hebrews 10:24–25 24 And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,
Colossians 4:6 6 Let your [a]words always be [b]with grace, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should answer each person.
Every word is seasoned with salt. What does that mean? Well, it’s a metaphor. Salt stops corruption and rotting and it brings out flavor. So, our words are designed to stop spiritual corruption and bring out spiritual and Godly flavor in our brothers and sisters.
Proverbs 12:18 “…the tongue of the wise brings healing.
What does that look like if you see sin in another person?
Brother, I love you, and because I care about you, I need to share something I've noticed. Lately, you’ve done or said x, y, and z. I’ve had my own struggles with this and I'm concerned that you are heading down a path of sin. I know you desire to honor Christ, and I've seen His grace at work in your life. Would you let Him search your heart in this area? I'm not bringing this up to condemn you, but because I want to see you experience the joy, peace, and fellowship that come from walking closely with Him. How can I pray for you and help you in this struggle?"
Well, we have defined love for brothers and sisters in Christ as seeking unity, being sacrificial, and selfless, bearing with and forgiving one another, and speaking words of edification.
And I know that as we’ve talked about this kind of love for brothers and sisters in Christ, there have been thoughts like “I don’t know if I can love that person that way.” Let’s be honest, there are people that we all struggle to love. And sometimes we think that doing so is an impossibility. But let me close with a story I heard from another preacher on our trip to Branson.
We were just sitting around the kitchen table after breakfast one day and one of the pastors at the retreat told a story about a pastor friend of his. Let’s call him Rick. This pastor said that his friend Rick had been a professional table tennis player. It’s amazing the things you find out about where people have been in life. Well, they got to talking about all the things concerning being a professional table tennis player. He talked about travel, and money, and the equipment he used. And among other things he mentioned a particular table tennis paddle that he had bought. He said that his favorite paddle cost him 250 dollars. 250 dollars for a ping pong paddle. Well, after a little conversation, the retreat pastor responded to that price with a question. He said “Rick, is that paddle really worth 250 dollars?” To which Rick replied, “Not in your hands.”
And I thought about that answer in relation to living the Christian life, living up to the high calling that God puts on our life. In relation to loving people to the standard that we’re commanded to. Can I, in my flesh, live up to the standard “love God with all my heart soul, mind and strength and love my neighbor as myself?” No, in my hands, that commandment, that paddle is worthless. I might as well not even expend the effort.
But here’s the wonder of our Christian life. It is a life, when lived at its fullest, that is lived by the power and direction of the Holy Spirit. And the commands to love in the hands of the Holy Spirit are powerful and effective. In our hands, our spiritual potential to love, love God, love spouses, children, brothers and sisters in Christ is very small. But in God’s hands, to extend our illustration, we can play ping pong like Forrest Gump.
Closing prayer